Friday, April 29, 2016

Following in the footstep of icons

Just the other day I read the months-old news that my favorite erotica writer icon closed the shutters on her erotic prose to shine her candle of spiritual writing. It’s an amazing move for her career and I totally support her for going into this new direction. It’s really a great thing. If anything, I should rejoice in knowing that erotica writers such as ourselves can and will be able to enjoy the kingdom of God and write about it without any repercussions.

Yet, I don’t feel blessed with this new knowledge. I’m burdened. It’s taxing to know that there are options that are not your path yet. Even though it’s been a little over a year since I’ve published works in erotic magazines, it’s still a big part of my writing repertoire. Even though I don’t set out to write anything particularly racy, a phrase or two will magically appear into place.

The literary genre and the manifestation of this eroticism through certain parts of my life are still a part of me that have yet to be washed away with regular attendance to church. And if I can be bold to add, that sometimes certain aspects of the Bible fuel this other side of me more than it should.

But because I’m susceptible to the impossible. I wish I could douse the flame of my erotica and open the blinds to the night sky of spiritual writing. I want to the follow in the footsteps of my icon. Even if my walking on that path felt totally empty and dull, I’d feel like I could finally be socially acceptable at the dinner table. That I wouldn’t have to hide all my achievements from certain friends. That in an impossible world they’d remain my friends.

That’s just not who I am so maybe I should stop making friends with people who I need to hide myself from. Or not, I should just hide parts of myself and be everyone’s friend. Either way, my writing is my own and not going to be the main course at every dinner table across America.

Monday, April 25, 2016

Mourning the death of a celebrity

When a person dies I think of three things in the following order:

  • Am I going to attend their funeral?
  • Will we be asked to make cookies for the reception?
  • God forgives if I don’t do the previous two.

As I write this, it is quite an awful procession of thoughts to have about a person’s death. Yet, life has prepared me this way after having a year and a half of deaths in my church. Some one after another beginning the year before, a December and ending in March.

David Bowie, Jan 08, 1947 - Jan 10, 2016
So when David Bowie died. When Prince died. When...all these wonderful people that we only knew about because of their roles in literature, music, movies, or television found a way to heaven…

I did not have to attend their funeral.

I was not asked to bake cookies for the reception

God forgave me for only allowing a minute silence in their name before I continued with my day.

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Can an underactive thyroid be tricked?

Sometimes I want to believe that I do not have issues with my thyroid. But, the lab tests don't lie and some of the hypothyroid symptoms are real. I say some because I'm not a doctor and some of the symptoms overlap to other things. Still, some of the symptoms include fatigue, sensitivity to cold, weight gain, numbness in fingers or hands, confusion, depression, headaches, and menstrual problems.

It's a very serious disease and I've received treatment from an endocrinologist before, but it's not the case now. Since it's something that I find worrisome and really bugs me, I've looked into over the counter supplements and holistic procedures to help me. Yet, my endocrinologist was very clear with me that there is no medication out there to replace name-brand Synthroid. So I'm convinced that no no supplements or holistic treatments can completely treat my thyroid.

But hey, we're living in a modern age. Why not give it a shot anyway? We only live once and we do what we need to do to get what we need to do done.

So I found two things that won't completely interfere with my other diseases and condition. The first is something I found on the University of Maryland Medical Center site. A university website is a tad high on the reputable sources list, right?

The University of Maryland Medical Center site suggests "contrast hydrotherapy" which is the application of hot and cold to the neck where your thyroid gland is located to stimulate thyroid function. To do this, alternate three minutes with hot (I believe you can use a cloth dipped in warm water) and cold (same a cloth with cold water) for 3 minutes and 1 minute respectively. Do this in two to three sets per day.

I'm not trying that. If I can get sick with being stuck in the rain for one minute, then I'll probably lose my voice if I tried that. If I had the credentials to look at the study that procured those results I'd be wary of the number of sore throat casualties.

But this thyroid stimulation method intrigues me. Can a thyroid be tricked into activating itself? Is eating a better and balanced immune system diet going to give my body the resources for it to start working correctly? Along these lines, do essential oils help as supplement? I’m not a doctor, but as a friend says, I pretend I am. If the University of Maryland suggests “contrast hydrotherapy” then I’m going to try a holistic approach and apply essential oils to my thyroid gland.

I have a blend I’ll place in the morning topically over my thyroid gland every other day. I’m not going to claim that essential oils are the end-all approach to maintaining a healthful and balanced life. But, if they’re a supplement in a list of healthful and therapeutic habits. That’ll be fine for me.

Saturday, April 16, 2016

The Joy of Cooking

I can feel a rush of air if I stand in the corner of the kitchen where the sink and the counter is. To the left is the microwave, the stove, and the refrigerator. On the right I have a toaster oven, stand mixer, and an assortment of cast iron skillets and baking pans. In this vague, description it looks like my kitchen is all set for success. And it is because I bought a brand new chef knife. I can make everything now. I can bake anything now!

And I don't as often as I could. There is no real need for me to bake a batch of cookies if I'm going to only eat two. Cooking a steak or pork chop is a real chore and a guessing game of—is it done? Is it done? Is it overcooked!? Oh no it died.

But then, why do I want to cook? Why do I need to put myself through the chore of cleaning every single dish in my kitchen. Then dirtying every single dish again. I have to stand, bend, lightly move around the stove as to not get burned. And I get burned every single time.

Cooking is a process. It's an understanding of physics and chemistry in a very demanding application. High heat, low heat...combining ingredients to procure textures, flavors, it's all so intricate. But what's it worth? Is the chore of peeling and cutting potatoes for mashed potatoes worth the 1/3 cup portion at the end? Is there something I'm missing, a joy?

I once spent a good two hours making orange and grapefruit juice to my very politically and natural eating conscious friends. I cut every single orange in half, then quarters. Then I took a hand lemon squeezer and squeezed super hard to get all the juice out into a strainer. Because, why would i want to give my friends orange seeds? I did the same with the grapefruits. A total of 6 or so oranges and 3 grapefruits. I thought it was divine. It apparently lacked sugar. In hindsight I would have added the juice of a lime. I love limes.

I cook for the appreciation of cooking. That my family and friends enjoy the fruits of the process, that's a different type of joy.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Decisions We Make

If I look over my life I find that I'm not always happy with the decisions I make. Sometimes these decisions are made for me. Yet, it's always up to me to take these moments and make something off of them. And even then, I don't always make the best of decisions. But that's life. Or at least that's what I've learned that life is supposed to be.

But, what I've also learned that even though these so-called 'bad decisions' are littered over my life, these bad decisions were the necessary decisions. They are the turning points that needed to occur to bring me to the place that I am. This theory is similar to the idea that all of our past experiences, good or bad, lead to this one person we become.

"So what now?" I ask myself.

I got accepted into a local culinary arts program in the fall. I'm starting a cookie venture. I'm the managing editor for Five 2 One Magazine. I'm working on my first novel of my adult life.

I'm struggling with a lot of things in life, but overall I'm living comfortably. I'm so blessed that of all the decisions I've chosen to... I'll have to think of that more.