Tuesday, April 25, 2017

I’m so tired a I prayed for a nap

I started drinking coffee again. Everyday, around 9 o’clock with my breakfast. 8 ounces pre-blended coffee with creamer and sugar. Twice I mixed my coffee with almond milk for a total of 8 ounces of coffee and 8 ounces of almond milk making 32 ounces of liquids and effectively not leaving much of an appetite for breakfast.

Not that I had that much of an appetite. I’ve sported a stomach ache all week. Everyday before my shift starts at work I attempt to take a nap. But, I’ve been drinking coffee again so it’s been very hard to sleep at night. Interrupted sleep leads to auto-mode life where smiles are short and every other moment is spent making a cowl. And that leads to stress. And stress leads to minor injuries or overworking of oneself.

Which led to today. I bounced back and forth between clinics, ERs, and phone calls to clinics in the past two days to find someone to reassure me that the pain in my right knee was nothing major. At first, I couldn’t be seen because my insurance, or the specific program it is designated for, doesn’t allow physicians to bill me for care outside of the program. When I finally saw someone for a “band-aid” relief I ended up with a prescription that didn’t help completely. AKA wearing off in the middle of the night and landing me back in square one. Interrupted sleep.

Today. A few hours after lunch. Urgent care room with the trash can overflowing. I closed my eyes after an injection of “fast acting pain relief.” And I prayed over and over again. Nothing fancy, just the Lord’s Prayer. At times a pause would stumble in between the words. Each pause followed by a small question, “what goes next. It’s…”

Quiet.

I had been given 15 minutes to not worry about my knee. To not think about going back to work on Wednesday. To not wonder if my phone will have reception enough to contact my sister. To figure out how I would pay for every last needle and hospital minute.

Just 15 minutes of me and God. And a third of a minute afterward to nap, because my blood pressure was significantly lower than when I first entered the building. Maybe this new medicine is going to work. And maybe the following few weeks will create a change for me in terms of finding a better insurance or a way to find a primary care provider. Soon, I’ll have uninterrupted sleep.

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