Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Drawing Lines

Ever have something you want really badly that you can't help but do anything and everything in your power for it? And even then, no matter what you do some things end up being more harmful than good for you. But you can’t help doing these things. You just can’t.

That’s how it feels sometimes in regards to my body dysmorphia. It’s like, no matter how I feel about my body and no matter how I dress myself, certain things just feel really uncomfortable. And it’s not like I sit around and question every little thing I do.

But subconsciously I know it’s uncomfortable and subconsciously I do things to make myself feel better. In reality, I’m just creating bruises and future problems. But what do I do? The right answer is to not do these things but not doing so creates a panic.

Not being who I know I am physically is taxing. It’s a silent aching thorn creating the most subtle scar over me. It’s the reason why I can’t draw a line between doing things that are harmful and doing things that are not. Because thorns have no rhyme or reason.

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