Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Change

My life has totally been transformed and I’m very afraid of how it has changed. I’m not happy with the decisions I’ve made, mostly because the results were not what I was hoping for. I’m not happy with the decisions I have to make to fix those decisions because they are taking FOREVER to implement. But the important part is that I’m changing the decisions I make. I’m thinking things through. I’m making a plan.

So here’s a plan. I’m going to finally save up to visit some friends in upstate NY! I’m going to finish two new books this year, even if I don’t publish them they will be finished! Maybe I’ll lose another 50lbs this year, I don’t have a shortage of weight to lose so this task will be easiest.

Learning to create boundaries between my relationship with my mother at work and at home is the biggest change I’m afraid of. I love my mother. Yes, I can disagree with her and have been disagreeing with her for the past 15 years or so. But, she’s still my mom. She’s one of the people I wish could help me solve all my problems. Which she does by saying “Only do a what you can, even if it’s a little bit a time.” Or she’ll say something like, “put your mind onto other things.” I’m going to have to learn to only do a little bit to help her at work during these tough times by not going to work every day. I’m going to have put my mind onto other things by not worrying so much that I can do so much more to help my mother professionally.

And I have to do all this for my benefit. So that I can work on my plans and my dreams. Ultimately it should be worth it. I haven’t gained much by helping other people with their plans and dreams (even though they’ve made quite a success for themselves now!). Change is hard.

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