Thursday, November 19, 2015

People Expect Equilibrium

I have a smile on my face when the day is good and the stars align. I also have a fluttering heart, roving around the city with cheer. But when the day is gloomy and it’s cloudy, I’m nothing. No smile. I possess a heartless heart roving around the town not thinking, not caring, not being. These two personalities are extreme, they’re mostly categorized as bipolar, or manic depression. But I have neither, for I never truly go into mania.

Regardless, the world does not revolve around me. It is completely unfair to ask people to care for the two extremes. I’ve tried it. Perhaps I wasn’t consistent enough, but it is very difficult to be one way or another. Especially when moods changed in a day, an hour. Two moods in an instant, that’s a lot.

It’s not fair. So I stay away when the mood changes. I hide under a rock (my blanket), but always behind close doors of my home where no one comes by. No one has been invited, and no one will be. It is my place of refuge from myself until I can see the sun again.

And then I’ll come out of my shell. Laughter will announce the presence of my smile. Only then, will I feel comfortable being myself. The one people expect.

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