Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Being tired of being tired because I make mistakes.

We all make mistakes. We all get hurt. But, if there's something I should have learned in therapy is that life is not defined by our mistakes, but by how we deal with my mistakes.

Well I can't always deal. Never passed that test, and the rest is just a mess of repetitive poetry and life consuming vices. The proof is in my blood. My father once told me he drank because he didn't want to feel, that it made him deal. I'm not quite the same, but I use things to detract from the real issue: me.

Or my feelings. Or my dreams. Or everything that has to do with me. Hey, but that is tiring. And that's why I'm illustrating this post in words. Because, all of the mistakes I've made...all of the things I said yes to when I should have said no..that was all part of it.

Part of becoming who I am, owning up to the person that I've always was but never allowed myself to be. And so, who am I?

The long story is that I'm just a 27 year old who forgot all about her dreams of taking her poetry to the next level and becoming a writing person. I work at a daycare because I'm never going to be able to have kids, and they fill a void I never knew I had. And I was totally sober when I asked 2 people for their digits and got nothing in return. God, rejection must deserve a drink...

What to do now? No more stressing about failed risks to start.

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